Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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