I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
