I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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