some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
