I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
