I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
