i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
