Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize