My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
