Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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