this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize