last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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