Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
