I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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