I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i love accidental penises.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
