please come you make the beer taste better
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
try to milk me bitch
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