she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
