Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
