R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
