Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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