Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
