i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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