These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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