Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
