my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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