Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
