just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I touched a dick in church today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My life is pants optional.
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