$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
