It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
