kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
