hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
