I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
