Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
