my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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