i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
