That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
