sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
