would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
