I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
