I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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