People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
