This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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