i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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