That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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