I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
