i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Alive.
So much puke
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
