he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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