i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
