Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
