I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
