The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
