That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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