If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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