Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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