They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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