Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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