She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
