I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
